My Friend

     I gave the following as a speech at a Toastmaster Humorous Speech Contest.

     Mr. Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentlemen.

       I am delighted that you have honored my invitation with your presence to join me on this special occasion.  We are gathered here to honor my friend.  I take this opportunity to publicly express my deep sense of gratitude for all that he has done for me and for all that he has meant to me.  Let me bring my friend to this place of honor while I sing praises about him. (Bring in a cup of coffee).

       Everything I have achieved I owe to my friend.  When I am tired and sleepy he keeps me company so I could finish my homework. (Sip from the coffee cup).  When I feel weak, he picks me up, (gesture picking up) because my friend is strong.  When I am feeling low, he comforts me like a warm blanket, because my friend is warm, in fact, my friend is hot.  (Pour a steaming hot coffee from a thermos).  With my friend's support through these years, I completed  my three academic degrees.   While I owe financial institutions a good sum in student loans, my friend says, "I owe him nothing." He gives, and gives and gives endlessly and expects nothing in return. (Sip).

        Some friends may not be around when you need them.  My friend can always be found in that special corner of the earth where he stations himself ready for our rendezvous whenever I want him.

      My friend is accommodating.  When time is of the essence, he delivers in an instant. (Show instant coffee).

   

       My friend listens.  He allows me to talk to my heart's content.  He never interrupts.  He never judges, he never criticizes.  He never gives an unsolicited advice.  He simply allows me to take as much as I want, as slow or as fast as I need of his wisdom, courage, and strength as we commune together in silence. (Sip)

       At daybreak, he wakes me up with his sweet, melodious voice, the sound of bubbling brook, perking, humming, singing that he is getting ready for the pleasure of my company.  Then he waves his magic wand to fill the air with heavenly aroma (sniff) which beckons me to meet him in our corner of the earth for our morning embrace. (Sip a drink).

         He packs himself (show thermos) so he can be with me wherever I go.  I can take him to the zoo.  I can take him to the show.  I can take him to the store or even to the shore.

        At noon, he keeps me company.  He allows me to see through him as in a clear glass (show clear glass mug) so I may know him inside out.

        We spend quiet moments together when day is done.  He veils himself in black like the night (show black mug) to heighten the mystery of our intimacy. 

           My friend says he comes from Colombia where they dance the cumbia.  He also says he comes from Brazil, where they dance the samba.  Whether he comes from Argentina where they dance the tango or from Cuba where they dance the mambo, my friend knows no international barriers.  He blends in perfectly.  He blends with Mr. Cappuccino and claims he is Italiano while he sings O Solo Mio. (show Cappuccino blend).  He blends well with the people from gay Paris.  He sings Ooh la la la Ces't Magnifique. (show French blend).  He can spin in a waltz with Miss Vienna and 'Vienna will never let you know.'  (Show Viennese blend).           My friend and I have known each other for so long that our bond of friendship is very strong.  You can't take my friend away from me.  You can take my car, I don't care, but taking my friend away from me, you won't dare.

         Life without my friend is hazy, lazy and crazy.  With my friend, I am awake, alive and I feel great.  I can think, I can sing, and I can dance.  Without my friend, I am boring, uninteresting, and tired.  With my friend, I am exciting, interesting, stimulating, captivating, entrancing, enticing, and even enchanting.  You can add a few more words which end in ing.  Without my friend, I don't know where I am or where I am going.  With my friend, I am on top of the world reaching for the stars.

        Ladies and gentlemen, join me in a toast to my friend, the best friend I ever had, the one faithful friend I will ever have.

     Mr. Toastmaster.