My Papa, a Renaissance Man

It is a rare privilege to have  warm, caring and talented parents.  There was nothing they would not do to help you become  the best that you can be.

            My father, who I call Papa, was known to friends, relatives and the general public as “Yowing.”  Riding through town in his jeep, waves of spontaneous cheers from children and grown up’s could be heard saying “Yowing.”  The surprising thing about this is that even after 17 years of absence from the native land while he resided in America, the greetings from children were just as fresh as before.  These children could not have been born when we left the country.

            A natural born statesman, he had a slogan printed across his campaign picture which said, “Ang matuod nga ulipon sa lungsod.”  (The true servant of the town.) He was elected congressman of the first district of Bohol in 1946.  He was re-elected in 1950.  He served his people well.  Streams of people came to the house for private audiences  seeking help through my father.  The same was true in Manila where people lined up to see my father at his office.

            He was a great orator.  When he speaks during the ‘Seven Last Words’ service at church, he builds up the passion of Christ to a climactic height effectively moving people to tears.  He enhances his speech with sound effects produced with the simple technological advances of the time.  He uses the same skill in winning votes for his candidacy.

            He was an operatic singer, a tenor, an actor, a musician playing the guitar, banjo and banduria. A well-read person, he can explain concepts using sharp analogies to tie down the abstract to something concrete.  He was an excellent teacher, injecting humor and brief lessons on human understanding in his classes.

            I wanted to study ballet and that could only be done in Manila.  We were then residing in Bohol and vacationed in Manila in the summer.  As we went from one studio to another to register, my father received one rejection after another.  He did not give up, he knew the reason for the rejection.  We would be tying up a spot only for the summer which would otherwise have been filled by a year round student. With that knowledge, my father computed the hours for a year round student taking two or three times a week lesson.  He then asked my older sister, Nany, to take group lessons three times a week, my brother and I would take three group lessons a week  and two private lessons a week.  With the combined hours we got in.

           I went to the same college where Papa was teaching.  I successfully passed Trigonometry during the first semester.  When summer came, he asked me to attend his class for review and mastery.  I went.  Indeed it was a fresh approach and I learned trigonometry anew plus the joy of teaching.  As a bonus we enjoyed a piece of cake and a cold barley drink together during the break.  In return for this treat, I graded his students’ quizzes.  I also joined my father’s field trips to the planetarium as part of his astronomy class.

            Without my knowledge, Papa had my first year college quizzes and other test papers book bound.  It looked so professional. (I later learned that Dr. Maria Montessori’s father did the same thing to his daughter’s news clippings.)

        When faced with difficulty in some chemistry subjects,  he  bought  the textbooks from Adamson University (a different perspective might help) and he somehow found a set of problems solved in quantitative and physical chemistry.  His advice was for me to solve every problem in the book, not just the one assigned.  He showed me some memory aids using the Roth memory course.   To this day, I continually make little outlandish connections to make new learning stick.

            At first he was disappointed that I switched from chemistry to education but later on acknowledged that education is my path to do the work of the master.  He likewise supported me in this endeavor.

            Papa was a healer.  He first healed through magnetic healing then augmented this task with homeopathy and radionics.  People from far and near traveled to see him and were cured.

            Papa was a writer. He wrote declamatory pieces for me and my sister.  He was also a composer and with Regino Dano, a lifetime friend, he composed Ave Maria, Romance and other pieces.  On his 37th birthday, he wrote a poetic prose about his romance with my mother entitled, “A Butterfly to a Wild Rose.”  Upon his death at the age of 74, I wrote a sequel, “Butterfly, Good-bye.”  My mother made a fabric picture with a butterfly figure bearing my father’s photo and a large rose, bearing my mother’s photo.  Three little rose buds completed the scene with each of our pictures – Nany, Vril and mine.

            A renaissance man, a loving father, a faithful husband, a leader, a role model, a strong believer in the Divine Plan -  Oh my Papa, to me you are so wonderful.  Thank you for giving me the vehicle for this life on earth and for pointing me in the path of righteousness. 

              Happy Father’s Day, wherever you are!

His mode of campaigning

Music Begins at Home

Music Begins at Home

    What a stirring experience to wake up at dawn with the band playing musical selections as it paraded through town heralding the beginning of the town’s fiesta.  The band stopped at my grandmother’s house for breakfast. That was the seed of my love for music.

      The seed was watered when I borrowed  my  godmother’s  toy piano with the black keys painted.  While tending my grandmother’s sari-sari store, I randomly struck the white keys.  To my surprise, I found that I could string a phrase of a melody.  I later found that if I could remember how I did it I could play a song.  Trial and error followed until I put together the popular music at that time, “Curacha.”  I could translate melodies from my memory on to the piano keys almost instantaneously with less trial and error.

         The next breakthrough came when I realized that the melody played by the right hand needs chord accompaniment played by the left hand. Coming home after seeing a movie, I tried to play on a real piano this time, the song “Maria Elena” played as intermission music before the next show comes on.  I picked out the melody immediately and tried two chords to match the melody.  Some things did not sound right.  My father came to the rescue.  My father does not play the piano, he plays the guitar, banjo and banduria however. He  whistled the notes that make up a given chord note by note, I picked them out on the keyboard and figured out the chord.  My father and I plotted out the remaining chords.  From then on I could play music “by ear” thanks to Maria Elena. 

       By third grade, I was  taught how to read notes at school.  I took piano lessons. Playing piano duet with my instructor was built-in into the instruction.  That was a special hit with me.  Since I wanted to play piano duet in my home town with friends who did not play piano, I taught them the “pupil” part while I figured out how the “teacher” part was played.  A series of piano duets by ear followed that I had arranged myself from popular songs.  This mode of playing duets continued with playing with my sister until the last year of her life.

         Since I could read notes, I rummaged through the collection of vocal pieces with piano accompaniment and tried to sight read them.  When I played some pieces good enough to be recognizable, I would hear my father whistle along or sing along from upstairs. That was another landmark.  This began the period of playing the piano while my father played the banjo or banduria.  Some of our favorites included “Who’s Sorry Now,” “Stumbling,” “Black and White,” Philippine folk songs such as “Bahay Kubo.”

        I learned how to sing, “Sa Daplin sa Baybayon,” translated as “By the Seashore.” I sang solo accompanied by my father with the guitar.  I sang duet with my younger brother where I sang most of each line and he filled in the last word.  That song was “Sa Pagtakas sa Hapon” translated as “When the Japanese attacked.” These songs were recorded by the latest technology at that time. A plastic disc was the recording medium, a groove was cut by the needle during the recording.  At the end of the recording, my father collected the silver-gray hair-like fiber cut from the plastic disc.

        Music,  music everywhere – growing up listening, singing, playing, dancing to the music became a life style. Each phase entered opened a new type of music and broadened musical literature for each musical genre.  Let me try to summarize the type of activity, type of music involved and a particular favorite.

Activity	Musical Type	Favorite piece
High School Glee Club	3-part, 4-part choral music	In Old Madrid Tea for Two
Listening	Papa’s compositions with Regino Dano	Ave Maria 1 Ave Maria 2 Romance
Accompanying	Duet by my father and sister	Nena Gilangkat Mo
Accompanying	Solo by my sister	One Kiss Ako’y Kampupot Matud Nila
Leading college classmates in a chorus	3-part medley	Planting Rice/Joy to the World
Accompanying, college chorus	Philippine song	Sampaguita
Teaching, singing	Children’s song	Under the Sun by Frank Leto
Folk dancing	International	Never on Sunday – Greek dance Pata-Pata -   African
Women’s  barbershop chorus	Barbershop	In Old Shanty Town Toot  Toot  Tootsie Goodbye
Church Choir	Anthems,  hymns, oratorio	Seven Last Words by Dubois, Handel’s Messiah
Latin dancing	Rumba, bolero, chacha, salsa, samba	Adios
Ballroom dancing	Fox trot, waltz, tango	Orange-colored Sky
Swing, Jive	Rhythm	Sweet Home, Chicago
Two-Step Dancing	Country Western	I’m on the Road Again
Listening	Mark Tulloss’  composition	Song dedicated to the passing of Vril Clarin and Rev. Lawrence Smith
Listening, Playing	Carlos Tulloss’ composition	Mother’s Day with Flute obligato
Hawaiian Wedding	Hawaiian	Over the Rainbow

         As the song goes –         

                                    “All things shall perish under the sun.

                                      Music alone shall live

                                      Music alone shall live

                                      Music alone shall live

                                      Never shall die.”

     Music  remains  the  mainstay for family get-togethers.  With Papa, Mama, my sister Nany and my brother Vril no longer with us on this physical plane, others have taken their places to keep the music going.  Neil Bonje plays the guitar, Mark and Carlos Tulloss with the bass, I play the keyboard, Avril Clarin-Taylor as the lead vocalist, Allison Philpott-Tulloss with the flute, Tio Gabriel and Tia Nen Bonje as standard vocalists.  It won’t be long the younger group will join the ensemble:  Andrew Bonje, Alex and Melanie Kuhlmann.  Tying the whole group together and recording the memorable event will be James Tulloss and Kirsten Kuhlmann. If we could fly Allison’s mother, Cathi, we add another vocalist and pianist. So many members of the clan scattered all over the U.S.A. can add to the ensemble.  Then we’ll be rocking and rolling as you’ve never heard before this side of heaven.

         The family that plays music together stays together.

                                   

           

Remembering Mama

       I woke up this morning trying to read a note handed by my mother in my dream.  I could not read the message.  It looked blurred.  As I tried to focus my eyes on the torn paper where about three lines were written, I woke up.  Five hours later while waiting for my flight at O’Hare International Airport, I bought a book called, “The Power of Kindness,” by Piero Ferrucci. It is just the kind of book I have been looking for.  It is peppered with short anecdotes, the kind that I use in this blog to introduce a topic. I felt a strong connection to my mother while reading.  I needed to write this blog about my mother.  Perhaps that scribbled note I could not read in my dream was giving me the message to remember my mother who passed away in 1992 and in remembering her she remains alive to me.

        If  there  was one name to name my mother, that would be “wonderful.” She was patient, kind, helpful, respectful, wise, loyal, cheerful and optimistic. She was also creative, innovative, a problem solver, a peacemaker, a leader, a facilitator and a doer. She had many talents: teaching, coaching, counseling, inspiring,  coordinating. Her homemaking skills included cooking, sewing, gardening, embroidery, home decorating. She was constantly learning something new, even going to school and earning advanced degrees in her 60’s.  She told me to continue going to school and when I run out of things to study, study law.  She also began her law studies.  She was humble to learn from her daughter.  At the twilight of her life, she loved Montessori.  She studied the method, acquired my Montessori materials, organized a training program in the Philippines and had a small school at her house.

      As  she laid suffering from cancer, she continued to talk to me about Montessori relating how practical life is essential during the growing years. She planned for me to stage the “Nutcracker” the following year at her school and to start teaching her assistants while I was in town. I taught some dances to her helpers.  

        My sister arranged musical blinking Christmas lights on her wall so Mama can have some Christmas spirit to look at while in bed. As those blinking lights played “Joy to the World”  I knew that was her last Christmas and I could not help but leave her room so I can cry my heart out.

         My mother  and  I  had some laughs.  One time while she was talking to the town’s folks that she had a rich “anak”  (offspring, not specifying the gender), I  joked with her asking, “Which one?”  That is a joke since she knew I was living from paycheck to paycheck.

         While  taking  a walk around our home in Glencoe, one of the richest places to live in the U.S.A., she commented, “How did you ever manage to get into this place?”  To that I replied, “How do you know I am not rich?” Again she laughed heartily.  We had our understanding that though short of cash, I somehow manage because I spend wisely and save a lot.

         I could write  a  book about my mother and perhaps one day I will. I want to thank my mother for guaranteeing my survival as a baby when the family rode a “banca” from Manila to Bohol as World War II broke out.  She managed to have brought powdered milk along with other provisions. She described this journey in a tape-recorded narration.

         My  mother brought us up with the right values, to  pay attention  to what is  important and let go  of the superficial things. She was proud of her three children and was truly present for them.

        My mother used to tell me that my father  gave her a mantra just  before delivering  her babies which made all her deliveries painless and swift.  She never gave me those mantra because there was a danger of premature delivery if said too soon. I could have used them since both of my boys were born “bigger than their mother.”  While cleaning up my sister’s belongings last year I ran into the mantra.  It is too late for me to use it but the next generation may need it.  I have to look for it and safeguard it once found.

      I  still have a lot to learn from my mother and I will continue remembering her as a living person happily smiling at my jokes.  Like a rose, my mother is forever beautiful, smiling, encouraging, and caring.

      “Happy Mother’s day,  Mama.  I sing to you, "Mrs. Wonderful, Mrs. Wonderful, Mrs. Wonderful, that’s you.”

        “Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers of the world.”

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Water, Water Everywhere but not a Drop to Drink

            Water is central to the life of a child in a Montessori environment.  One  begins with pouring water from one pitcher to another developing hand-eye coordination while experiencing joy in successfully transferring water into the vessel.  Practical Life gives the child ample opportunities to use water to care for oneself (washing hands, washing face, brushing teeth) and to take care of the environment (washing table, washing clothes and scrubbing the floor).  We wash fruits for food preparation, mix water with squeezed lemon to make lemonade and use water to boil eggs or pasta to make spaghetti.

            We use water to explore the sciences: sink and float in physics, dissolving solids in chemistry,  plants need water in biology,  making a river in geology.  For our health, we drink water to keep our lungs moist, to hydrate our brain tissue, to replace the water lost through sweating and to aid in the various functions of the body. 

            As the child moves forward in one’s education, one learns that all life needs water, the first form of life was in water and civilizations were first settled along bodies of water.  There is a diversity of life forms in the oceans and rivers.  We use water for transportation, recreation,  sanitation, source of energy, and in religious rites.  We have come to rely on the water cycle to bring us rain to water our plants and bring us fresh rain water. Water supports life and without water there is no life.

The Water Problem

            Now we are facing a serious challenge with our water. I will categorize these challenges into four:

1)            supply and demand of water

2)            water pollution

3)            loss of wetlands, trees, grassy areas

4)            global warming causing polar ice caps to melt, raise ocean temperature

1)            Supply and demand of water

            With our modern lifestyle, we have developed ways of pumping water, purifying water and bringing it to our homes effortlessly.  All we need to do is to turn on the faucet and we have water.  Only 10% of the potable water brought to our homes is used for cooking and drinking.  90% is used for watering the plants, washing and flushing the toilet.  Literally 90% of the purified water goes down the drain.

            We had formed the notion that the supply of water is limitless.  It is not.  We hardly value water.  The price we pay for water is low compared to what we pay for cable television services or our cellular phone. The price structure encourages indiscriminate use of water.  Add to this the fact that our population is increasing, the demand for water in our modern society puts a strain in our water supply.  The supply is limited but the demand is increasing.  Unless something is done, this leads to shortage of potable water.

2)            The quality of water brought to our homes has been compromised. Toxic substances that have been washed off from industrial waste may have seeped into the waterways which is our water source. Biological contaminants in the form of fecal mater from humans and animals end up in our water source when untreated sewage gets dumped into our waters or when holding lagoons for manure produced in the production of meat from cattle overflows and ultimately end up in the rivers and streams.   Even rain water normally considered the purest form of water could be contaminated with air pollutants thus producing acid rain.  Water polluting our oceans and rivers disturb the variety of life in the water and we perturb the integrity of the ecosystem.

3)            With the building of roads, paving driveways, draining swamps to build homes, we replaced trees, bushes, grass and other plants which absorb water with non-absorbent materials.  This means that rain water instead of being absorbed by plants will run off and carry with it oils and other pollutants on the land to the water source.  Erosion of land occurs when water runs through bare soil bringing with it soil to the water.

4)            Global warming melts the polar ice cap and raises the temperature of the ocean. This is detrimental to the variety of life in the ocean.

What we can do.

1)            Change our mind set and start valuing water, it is finite and the demand on this source has been increasing.  Proper pricing will encourage minimal use of water.

2)            Practice water conservation inside and outside the house

3)            Refrain from eating meat one day or more days a week to slow down meat production which will eventually reduce fecal runoff from manure lagoons

4)            Grow ground covers so no bare spot would be vulnerable to erosion.

5)            Plant more trees, they are the best agent to prevent erosion

6)            With increasing population, we have to seriously think of proper allocation of our water source

7)            Compost food garbage to reduce extra treatment of sewage that ends up in the landfill while returning nutrients to the soil

8)            Grow lawn naturally, allow grass to grow three inches before mowing

9)            Be aware of the Clean Air Act and the Clean Water Act and be proactive with letters to enforce the provisions and fine violators accordingly

10)         Support local municipalities need to update infrastructure to replace old and outdated pipes to meet current need

            It is our responsibility individually and collectively to maintain the integrity of clean and safe drinking water,  safeguard the oceans, streams, rivers and lakes, engage in activities to promote the health of the planet so life in this planet will continue to flourish.

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Assertiveness, the Middle Path Between Aggression and Passivity

         My father told me this story.

        People in India complained to the guru that the snake had been frightening them by blocking their pathway to the market with its slithering, hissing and biting if it gets close enough.  The guru talked to the snake telling it to cool down and not frighten the people needlessly.  The snake listened. 

      The following week, the guru found the snake weak and badly beaten.  When asked what had happened, the snake explained, “You told me to cool down, so I did.  The people took advantage of this and started beating me.”

     “You can’t just lie down and allow the people to beat you until you are weak.  You have to defend yourself from getting abused.  However, do not go out of your way to scare them especially if they are not bothering you. But when they get ready to bother you, scare them a little so they will leave you alone.” 

       There is quite a bit of wisdom in that story.  It is the story of aggression, passivity and the middle ground between the two, assertiveness.

    We have no difficulty recognizing when we have been passive.  We allowed ourselves to be victimized by an aggressor.  We complied with the demands of the aggressor on something we fully oppose for different reasons: 1) to please or appease,  2) we succumbed to the pressure to agree to the demand although we protest strongly against it in our heart, 3) we were completely dominated through coercion that left us feeling defeated.

      We think that when we do something to please we earn points for ourselves with the aggressor.  We do not.  The aggressor is heartless.  He thinks only of himself.  If he demands today, he will demand again tomorrow and the next day.  We keep giving in to appease but we never really please a tyrant.  While we are pleasing somebody else against our will, we are selling our soul.  We no longer know who we are and we hate ourselves.

     The aggressor uses well calculated words to pierce at our sensitive spots.  Insults are hurled.  Put-down’s  are thrown and we are called names to humiliate us.  As victims, we accept these poisoned arrows as we feel hurt and sometimes reduce ourselves to tears.  We were completely defenseless and unprepared for the assault. It happens so fast and before we can think of the appropriate way to respond, it is over. We leave pretending to be cordial but in reality we are nursing a wound.

      To fight aggressively is not the answer.  Aggression feeds on aggression and the fight escalates further to something uncontrollable.  We have to find the balance between aggression and passivity.  That is assertiveness.

      Having experienced insults from certain persons, we avoid any interactions with these people.  We do not have to wrestle with lions unless we are inside a lion’s den.  To avoid fighting with lions, we stay out of the lion’s den.  (1) This is the first step.

        The next step  is to learn to stop the pain  (2).  When we learn to stop the pain we now feel, we are just a step away from preventing things to cause us pain in the future.  We are our own worse enemy.  We let people’s words bother us.  Our recurring thoughts replay what this person said or did and we get fired up inside with hatred for the person as though it just happened yesterday.  It happened ten years ago. The fact is people say negative things out of ignorance.  They are really reflecting what is inside them, they are talking about themselves.  Every insult made against us could just as easily have been said against them.  The best path to take is to ignore them.  Do not take things personally. (3)

       Say very little or none at all during a conflict.  If you have to speak, say it with firmness and determination in your voice that  you  choose not to engage in petty conflicts or useless arguments.  Say you have work to do and leave.  Remember that the purpose of an argument is to win.  Since nobody really wants to lose, the loser for this particular round only retreats to plan the next attack to get even. No conflict has been resolved and the bitter after taste of the altercation lingers for a long time.

        I find it therapeutic to write in my journal a record of the event as it happened.  (4) I write spontaneously including all details and how I felt.  A miraculous thing happens while I write:- an intuitive voice from within offers an advice on what I could have done.  Sometimes this voice gives me insight as to what the other person’s perspective was that I missed. 

     There are books on  assertiveness  training. There is one specifically on “The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.” (5)  It is not as important to be armed with the skills of verbal come back’s to insults as it is to build an invisible shield of peace around us to protect us from feeling the pain.  In the end we visualize  the Lord of Peace giving His blessing to us saying:

Peace be unto you.

My peace, I give unto you.

Not as the world giveth, give I unto you.

Let not your heart be troubled

Neither let it be afraid.                       John 14:27

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5)       The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense at Work